diff --git a/blog/2022/may/divide.html b/blog/2022/may/divide.html index 494de3b..d725e19 100755 --- a/blog/2022/may/divide.html +++ b/blog/2022/may/divide.html @@ -59,6 +59,7 @@ done
The results of my research were... disheartening, to say the least.
diff --git a/feed.ass b/feed.ass index 8fe5379..9bdd2cd 100644 --- a/feed.ass +++ b/feed.ass @@ -1,5 +1,6 @@ # MayVaneDay ASS (https://tilde.town/~dzwdz/ass/) feed +2022-05-26 https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/r/reynar.txt Reynar 2022-05-25 https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/u/under-my-fingernails.txt Under My Fingernails 2022-05-24 https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/g/gradation.txt Gradation 2022-05-21 https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/g/grey.txt The Grey diff --git a/feed.xml b/feed.xml index dfbb68e..2a3b760 100755 --- a/feed.xml +++ b/feed.xml @@ -9,6 +9,51 @@+The pendulum swings yet again back and forth +as I ask you the millionth time and one more +if you still love me, still tolerate +my existence, are sure towards me +you hold no sliver of anger or hate. +Because we've made these vows so many more times, +but I'm forbidden by my anxiety +from failing to plan for any contingencies. +Like I'm my father now, +I myself with questions hound: +"Well, now you're twenty-two, +and I don't want to seem like I'm forcing you +to come along with me." + +Angel numbers meet at midnight's bend. +"For you, you'll never see me again." +But Jett, does it work the other way? +If I ask you to, will you forever stay? +Will you swear yourself in health and sickness to my lonely side? +Will you in this new world I am creating reside? + +Because, you should know, +if you willed it, +I would gladly disappear. + +Go, if you must, +without fear. +I will be here +at the end of every day +to reclaim +that which was only ever mine. ++]]> +
-How do I come to terms -with the fact that I will die? -How do I look my mother in the eyes -and say, "You won't have me -for that much more time?" - -I look in your eyes, -and I see a flame -that burns so bright, -that signals something -arriving -just over the horizon. - -I expected to be dying by now, -strength fleeing from my limbs, -lungs crushed by anxiety -like the world itself was closing in. -I got all my homework done early -in February -even though graduation was three -months away, not knowing -what state I would be in, -six months from onset -being the low end. -But except for the sores that pulse -in movement's fury and sleeptime's lull, -I'm just as healthy as ever. - -I'm searching my body for every possible sign -that the end is coming, that looms my demise. -And I am in pain, I will admit, -but not nearly enough to classify myself as sick. -I'm in a science classroom, with scalpel prodding myself. -Clean up the experiment, jar me up, return me to the shelf -in tanager's formaldehyde, amber sleep, sanctioned suicide. -You haven't really died until you've returned to the earth, -I think, given back the dust in your bones -to this planet that insists it be your home. -You haven't really disappeared -until your body has dispersed so much -that nobody can point at the ground and say, -"The person I love now rests here." - -This vessel, I hope, will not be preserved -in a morgue, under a man's care, final horror. -My body was never ever really mine -in this life. -Mother still sometimes cries -that I'm not a doll anymore, -won't wear dresses anymore. -Will she keep me around when my body moves nevermore, -preserved, plasticized, -mannequin most lifelike? -Deny me Velouria's embrace one last time?]]>
-22 directories, 130 files
+22 directories, 131 files